Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
