It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
