My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
