Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
