Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
