Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
