id be glad to
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
