Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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