just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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