I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
COCAINE IS GR8
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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