Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
