I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
