After last night, I could never be a politician.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
