Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
