Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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