Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
