i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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