your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize