the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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