Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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