I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
