Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
