Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
