C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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