it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
