I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
