I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
