My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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