I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
