just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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