best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
