How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
