upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
