420 ftw
the condom got lost in my hair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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