if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
