Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
