Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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