I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
