so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
