i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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