Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize