That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
