we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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