I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
