new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
