I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
