It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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