"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
