Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
