Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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