I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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