I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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