Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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