...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
