When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
