I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
