just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
