YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
