my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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