i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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