I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Small penises have feelings too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
