Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
