you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
