Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
