i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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