I CAN MOONWALK!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
