capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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