Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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