her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize