Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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