do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
