I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
