Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize